Life is constantly evolving and moving. Sometimes it moves so fast it can become hard to catch your breath. One of my biggest fears is feeling cornered or trapped. In May, I felt so suffocated it led to me crying in the bathroom at work several times a day. At the root of those confusing and extremely emotional states were the delusions made up in my mind caused by my mental illness. It caused me to run around in circles in my head and become exhausted by it, unable to complete anything else.

You can’t press pause on life but you can learn how to take mental pauses to reset yourself and hopefully improve the quality of your life. For me, this started with accepting my imperfections and the fact that life is not suppose not be this linear growth curve. I started to let all of the advice and lessons I’ve cultivated over the years really sink in. It is so necessary to take pauses when needed and to put yourself and values first. Making any type of effort big or small can help get you back in tune with your body. 

Right now, I am taking a two week pause from my full time job to focus on my mental health and overall well being. I am 5 days in and let me tell you it has been life changing. I don’t know how we just push through burn outs and think its okay. Taking these moments are so essential to the overall projection of our lives and these pauses actually create the momentum needed to reach our dreams. So here are some of the things I am doing during my pause to get back on track:

1. Challenging myself: For example, I have crippling social anxiety which prevents me from enjoying the outdoors though the outdoors are always on my mind. Today, I challenged myself by going on a walk alone in my city and I ended up sitting outside at a random Starbucks, soaking up the sun.
2. Catching up on all of my doctor appointments: Making sure your body is in check should always come first but I admit, I am overdue on most of them. I try not to overwhelm myself but I am making sure to schedule at least one needed appointment each day.
3. GOING TO THERAPY AND MY PSYCHIATRIST: To talk to someone and get out of my head during therapy sessions is essential for making sure that I am processing what is going on and not just staying in a depressive slump during this pause. I have been skipping therapy appointments in the past but now there is no excuse. Also, seeing my psychiatrist so I am on the correct dose of medication and keeping me on track with taking them, has helped a lot.
4. Putting more effort into preparing food: Now, I admit I try to run to Chipotle every chance I can get but I am putting more of a conscious effort to cook more meals at home. In addition to cooking I am spending more time cleaning and organizing my kitchen so I actually want to spend time in there. 
5. Stretching and light exercise daily: This one is self explanatory…
6. Keeping up with general hygiene daily: When you are depressed, you don’t shower, brush your hair, wash your clothes, etc. (at least for me), so trying to get back into a routine of taking care of myself is a must. I admit I still have not tackled my hair yet but I am at least showering every day and taking a little better care of myself.

And that’s it! That is what I have been doing during this much needed pause. Whatever taking care of yourself means, whether that is being more mindful of what you are eating, going on a daily walk, learning how to say yes more or no more, taking time off work… JUST DO IT. If it doesn’t work out then it doesn’t but at least you tried to mix things up. I think another major hurdle in all of this is truly letting go of preconceptions about what others might think of you or paying attention to those negative scenarios in your head. The reality is, no real harm can come from putting yourself first.

Sincerely, 

A confused 23 year old