Category Archives: mental health

mental health

Black Lives Matter

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I have been so outraged by what has been going on in my country concerning the death of George Floyd, an innocent BLACK man who was murdered by police. On my social media accounts, I have been outspoken about my support of the Black Lives Matter movement and in my personal life, but I still feel like I am not doing enough.

I think I feel I am not doing enough because I still filter myself when I am around my mostly white friends and colleagues mostly because that is how I’ve been trained my whole life. I have these conversations about my blackness with my family but I struggle as a black woman being completely unfiltered around my white friends.

I am still hurting so much and I feel I am grieving the death of George Floyd and all the unjust deaths that have occurred due to systemic racism and implicit bias.

I am still fearful of being a victim of violence.

I am still learning how to speak up but I worry about my overall safety..

How do we as black Americans begin to heal and recover from all of this….

I have been pondering this question but I feel the movement is the first step into our healing process as our pain is being seen right now.

mental health

Should you see a therapist?

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This question is something that I’ve asked myself several times before seeing my first one. But here are some things that I used to do that made me consider going to therapy.

Feeling like you aren’t in control of your reactions.

Do you ever say or do something that you were confused about or felt it was out of your character? I was doing the same thing way too often. And I couldn’t pinpoint why I was acting the way I was and therefore couldn’t tackle the issues I had. I felt like I was not showing my true self and needed help having the reactions that I wanted to have.

Thinking about situations over and over again.

I used to lay down for bed wide awake with all of my past mistakes replaying as loops in my head. It occurred for so long that I thought it was the norm. But it’s not and I was ruminating. It was slowly causing a decline in my mental health as my sleep was compromised.

You turn to substances daily to manage your stress.

Nothing is wrong with your alcoholic beverage every once in a while but if you are using it as a crutch to help you wind down from the stress of daily life every day, consider seeing a therapist. Your problems can’t be pushed down with alcohol and/or other substances at the end of the day and are yearning to be felt and let out.

Do any of these speak to you?

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mental health

Dealing with PTSD after a bad work environment

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So a while ago I talked about taking a break due to burnout at my previous job and then I talked about quitting that job. Well now, I’ve been in a new work environment but I am still dealing with triggers from my old work environment.

For a while, I was crying every day at my new job feeling judged by others or that they were all going to turn against me. Even when my new boss was giving me praise, I was bracing for the yelling and abuse that would follow. I still deal with these emotions from time to time now. But the bottom line is that I was still feeling all of these strong emotions without the stimulus actually being present.

My therapist brought up the point that I was probably dealing with PTSD after being in a period of stress for so long. We talked about how PTSD can occur from any traumatic event, and is not always from things such as coming back from war. We associate PTSD with veterans frequently but she reminded me that it is okay to acknowledge that I was also going through PTSD symptoms myself.

It took me a while to accept that I needed to acknowledge the trauma I went through and sit with those uncomfortable feelings. I wanted to leave that place and all the emotions behind with it, but I learned quite quickly that wasn’t going to be the case.

I am now learning to deal with my PTSD with different therapy exercises I have been doing. I have been doing better at managing my emotions at my new workplace and I hope to take these skills to my next career move in my PhD program.

Though this experience was one of the toughest emotional endeavors I’ve dealt with, it made me realize all the emotional baggage other employees bring to a different workplace and to be conscious of that. I never realized how much a previous work experience can impact you when it is so negative and how it sneakily embeds itself into your self confidence and self worth overall. I feel I have become a more empathetic person and more understanding throughout this process.

Though I wouldn’t wish my experience on anyone else, I do see the silver lining within it.

mental health

I Ordered An Electric Pottery Wheel

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Okay, so hear me out. In an attempt to shake up my quarantine routine activities I thought I would take up pottery making. I got the clay, I already have paint, I got the gloss, and now I am waiting on the wheel.

I have been watching countless videos on how to throw my clay and I couldn’t wait to dive in. Except today when I questioned if I am just going quarantine crazy and realized I wouldn’t normally buy a pottery wheel.

Don’t get me wrong I am very excited to start this new hobby but what about quarantine is making me want to do all of these new arts and crafts? Why am I bored of my routine already though I stuck to a routine throughout the other days of the year without a problem?

I think though I am sticking to a routine, I am getting bored because the whole day is kind of like bleh. There are no extreme ups and downs as there were normally and my whole life is kind of feeling like I am stuck on a self care Sunday island… and I was starting to feel antsy on the island.

So I decided I wanted to make pottery. And that is what I am going to do and I think it is a healthy way to channel my energy. I will keep you updated on my progress and if you have any tips please please comment down below.

mental health

How I’ve been Managing My Corona Anxiety

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I woke up this morning actually feeling okay and at peace with myself. And though today is not any different than most of my days, I’ve noticed my perspective has changed and opened up some more room for other things in my brain.

I am still on my daily anxiolytic and having teleTHERAPY but I wanted to share what I have been doing to manage my anxiety at home.

Accepting what is

A lot of my anxiety was caused by me focusing on when all of this will be over with. I wanted to just sleep through this period of my life and wake up when it was all over. I was not focusing on the here and now and what my needs were because I just wanted the problem to be fixed. But as time went on and after I did some more meditating and therapy, I am starting to accept what is right now.

After accepting this as my current life, I am learning to do what feels best for me in this new life. Because nothing is keeping me back from learning more, and exploring more within myself.

Giving myself time for freak outs

Even though I am accepting more of what is, I am still prone to freak outs. Ones where I am over thinking and I am thinking about how things were before the pandemic or I worry about catching the virus… I could go on and on. I feel it is fine for me to have these moments as long as they are not taking over my whole day. So, I have been putting in about 30 minute blocks in my schedule for freak outs and I am trying to decrease the amount of time and blocks as time goes on.

This way, I have scheduled time for a freak out and then I can move on with my day.

I meditate

Now that I do have the time in my day, I meditate. Even if it is for 5 minutes or at the end of my at home yoga practice, I take some time with my thoughts. I try to keep it away from my anxieties and more about growth and improvement within myself. Also working through other traumas that are holding me back in life.

What are you doing to cope with your anxieties?

mental health

Social Anxiety

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I was dreading a phone call with my boss earlier today. I was thinking of all the different ways I could postpone it or get out of it. I was pacing thinking about interacting with him over the phone and overthinking the way the conversation might go.

Even in a quarantined world, my social anxiety is still alive and well.

When I was kid, my family always said I was just shy. But little did they know me being around people gave me a migraine and made my jaw clench so tight that it would lock in place.

Fast forward back to today, when I was pacing around in my room. I told myself this is something I just have to do and that it won’t be so bad. And I quickly picked up the phone and called him. There were awkward moments for sure but I got through it. And sometimes that is what it takes to fight through my anxiety (and my medications).

It is an everyday fight but I just keep reminding myself that its all gonna be okay.

mental health

Why Yoga is Essential for My Self Care

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Here are some reasons for why I have been incorporating aspects of Yoga into my daily life:

  1. It reduces my anxiety: Concentrating on connecting my breath with movement dramatically reduces my anxiety every time. Even doing a light 20 minute practice improves my mind set.
  2. It helps me focus: Taking in deeper breaths and therefore increasing the oxygen and blood flow to my brain does increase my focus. If I am feeling restless while working from home, I do about 5 minutes of flow (downward facing dog, plank, upwards facing dog, on all fours, child’s pose) to help increase my focus.
  3. It helps me sleep: As it helps reduce my overall stress level, doing some balancing poses and supine poses are good for getting me ready for bed.
  4. It improves my strength and flexibility: This was one of the main reasons why I started to practice in the first place. I wanted to increase my body’s overall strength. Because a strong body harbors a strong mind.
  5. Improves back pain: As I increase my strength and flexibility, I noticed my lower back pain from sitting all day at work and school was significantly improved.

What has been essential for your self care practice?

mental health

Never been more grateful to be able to take care of myself

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Though these quarantine times are anything but easy and filled with uncertainty, I am appreciating the amount of time I can spend truly taking care of myself mentally and physically. I don’t feel the need to drink the problems of my day away, and I can interact with only the people I want to (besides my boss that I have to call every once in a while).

I didn’t always feel this way though, with the beginning of my quarantine days feeling lost, full of drinking, and overeating. And though I can’t say I completely kicked the overeating habit, with the help of therapy over the phone I am starting to cope in a healthy way. And I am starting to feel better mentally than I did before the quarantine started.

My routine is a lot less intense than it normally is, and I feel like I have truly gotten the time to reflect over my daily life and how hectic I made it for no reason. I am starting to realize what is important to me other than productivity and what I actually enjoy doing. I have also been giving my brain a much needed break before I start school in the Fall.

Before quarantine, my work was beginning to be a toxic place for me and it was depleting so much of my energy. I had no idea how much time I needed to recover from it and I am starting to realize how much certain environments do not work for me.

I am also starting to realize how slow I need to move in the morning and evenings. I don’t need to go to 6:45am hot yoga for an hour and a half to get my day going. I’ve learned even 20 minutes of at home yoga gives me the same benefits with less headaches.

There has been so much I’ve learned about myself during these times, and I encourage you to do the same. I mean what else do we have to do?

❤