Today I took the long way to work

Walked through the garden, looked at the Koi fish dancing in the pond

Looked down at my phone, and saw I got a text from her

The one who I was caught sleeping with on the floor of my living room by my roommate…

Yea that girl

In the back of my mind

I was anxious to even open the text,

but I still couldn’t help but smile typing back

“I miss you too.” I said

My mind wandered back to last weekend at the farmers market

The wind was making her scarf ripple like water

Her hazel eyes were twinkling in the morning light

We walked around, our hands sweaty, afraid of anyone who looked our way

Stealing kisses behind a shady tent

I remember the usual doors I keep closed within my mind began to open during that walk

I felt safe, I felt understood

I trip back into reality

And now the scary thoughts creep in

‘How can you make this work’

‘How are you going to deal with being in a gay relationship’

‘Your life would be easier without this complication’

I take a deep breath

These words are not true

These words are not true

I look down at my phone again,

She wants to go to the river this weekend

I type yes quickly

Put my phone in my back pocket

And continue deep breathing

‘I am staying true to myself’

‘And I will be happy because of it’.