My whole life or at least for as long as I could remember, I’ve always wanted to be liked. By my parents, then my teachers, and even random people on the street. I would always pull out all the stops I could to be liked for reasons I did not understand. Whenever I wanted to make a choice for myself and knew others might frown upon it, I would hesitate and think more about the other person than myself. This included things from the clubs I joined to the clothes I wear.
Obviously that was not a healthy way to live and it took a significant toll on me. I did not know who I was anymore and I felt lost. My anxiety has also been heightened whenever I faced criticism. I felt overwhelmed trying to please everyone. I wanted to break this cycle so desperately but the thought of just ignoring everyone’s wishes was too daunting.
I then realized I had to practice being unlikable to make these feelings manageable. What did that mean? Well I knew I had to take small steps of “rebellion” to break my current perspective. My perspective that was holding me down so much was that I always felt that everyone was judging everything about me. Mostly due to me being harshly criticized by family all throughout my childhood… Once I realized that my thoughts are not the reality I could then step outside and begin becoming unlikable.
Nobody cares what you are doing or what you look like because they are too engulfed in their own world
I have heard this quote countless times but I really let it seep in during these past few months. I still repeat it to myself whenever I start to feel overwhelmed about the way I look or the way I feel others are looking at me. This saying is something I still use almost every time I go out in public to combat my social anxiety.
Get hairy
As a woman, I have felt the extreme pressure to shave every bit of my body without letting even the stubble show. This led to anxiety around getting ready to go out and sometimes would cause me to not even make it out of my house. So for a while I truly stopped shaving everything. Not only that but I still wore shorts and other outfits that I liked and it was freeing. I also realized that I liked not shaving my legs and it make life a lot easier. These are practices that I don’t have to adhere to very strictly now but it did make me feel closer to myself.
Be loud
For me this was a big one as I have (and still do sometimes) want to become invisible in public and try to make myself as small and quiet as possible. To combat this I did the things I was afraid of that might cause too much “noise”. I play my ukulele more in my apartment with the windows open and I sing. At first I felt disgusted by hearing my voice, but with practice, being loud got so much easier. Other things that go along with being loud is standing up for yourself in conversations, voicing your opinions, getting a nose piercing, or any tattoo that you wanted.
What all of these exercises were really teaching me was how to just be me. I want to truly be myself. To do that you have to start in such small steps but confidence does truly build with practice. There is also no use in comparing what you feel is confidence to other people. Keep in mind you are only seeing a small portion of them and you never know what they might admire in you. Be true to you, and practice it every day as it will be very worthwhile.
The Chatty Cat 