Wow…. I can see how well my mental health is based on the last time that I posted. I posted in September, when I thought I had a plan for my life and knew what the next few months had in store. Turns out I was completely wrong. I had to move suddenly when my roommate told me she needed to move back in with her parents, I got a girlfriend, dealt with the worst anxiety attack of my life, went on a PHD interview, and I am leaving my current job at the end of this week to start a new one. Life is crazy.

My mental health was in such turmoil during those couple of months. I stopped making lunch for myself and dancing around the apartment. I stopped putting make up on and having fun coming up with an outfit idea. That all being said, I feel stronger than ever now than destroyed like I did during my last major depression spell. I feel like in spite of what I was going through I was still moving towards my goals and making it a priority to take care of myself. And now, I have made the biggest step of all which is leaving my toxic and abusive workplace. I am very proud of what I’ve accomplished and feel like I have so much more to say about my journey of self acceptance, love, and discovery.

Now, I am pursuing some major goals by going to PhD interviews in New York for the fall. I am not sure what the future may bring but I am starting to accept myself for who I am now instead of forcing myself to be who other people want me to be. I introduced my girlfriend to my entire family during the holiday season and I am now out to the world as a queer woman. I don’t want to have to lie any more for the benefit of others. My goal for 2020 is to be unapologetically me.