Tag Archives: PHD interview

PhD

How on Earth did I get into a PhD program

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Really though, someone please tell me how I did it.. especially at my dream school….

For the past few years I have been saying I would apply and then it came time to actually apply and interview…. then overnight it seems I became a future PhD candidate. But the thing was it wasn’t overnight.

Though I see myself as a slightly average PhD applicant, I showed my dedication to research over the years. I’ve had some substantial experiences that have stuck with me and I am passionate about specific areas of research.

I want to briefly note how I think I got in with my less than perfect grades and GRE scores (though that exam may be a thing of the past anyways). This will probably change as I actually start my program but this is how I think I got into Columbia Univ’s program:

Quality over Quantity

I had a few unique laboratory experiences that seemed all over the place but they were experiences that I learned a great amount of information and put a great amount of work into. I was also able to talk passionately about them during my interview. Surprisingly, the interviewers were more interested in my lab work in a plant diagnostic laboratory than one of my higher profile cancer laboratories

Be Unique

This leads me to my next point was that I was unique. I was non traditional and had a unique set of skills to bring to the table. I was artistic, active in sports, and causes that I care about. I didn’t trap myself in lab all day, I went out and lived my life and had a good work life balance.

I am (or at least try to be) a good scientific writer

I had a lot of writing experiences from writing protocols to assisting with writing grants with my PIs. I had a lot of writing under my belt and still keep up with it to this day. Also proofread the fuck out of your personal statement.

I can talk science

I had a lot of practice during my Masters program with presentations and talking about scientific papers and research which the interviews seemed to really like. Talk with confidence and talk like you know what you’re talking about. Just try it out and even if you are wrong it will be okay, it is way better than not trying at all.

I own my whole identity

This is something that has just helped with my confidence in general. I walked into my interview with my two nose piercings, queer af, and being my apologetically black self. This showed them that I owned every part of myself and was confident as a person already. Maybe they liked it, maybe they didn’t but confidence always gets you where you need to go.

mental health

Black Self Doubt

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Self doubt has been consuming me lately. I just went for PhD interviews and I was so riddled with anxiety as I kept comparing myself to others around me. Most of it seemed normal, except I dealt with a mind altering migraine because of it. My jaw was clenched so tightly shut that I swear I my teeth could’ve exploded out of my mouth. But as I started to dissect my own personal self doubt, I realized it was something that could be dealt with.

I know there is the saying that there will always be someone better than you.. I’ve heard it often and repeat it to myself often. But I think I was missing the point of that message. I was using that statement to tell myself I was not capable when it really should be used to keep myself “humble.” It shouldn’t be used to downplay my abilities. But then I thought about how throughout my life, adults have always downplayed my abilities:

For example, I run fast because I am black. Indeed genetics do play a role in my athletic ability but I trained hard, and my race did not have anything to do with me literally winning races. But that’s how it felt. Or how I got into college or got a scholarship because I am black. All of these microaggressions have taken a toll on me. Which leads me to my interview weekend at Columbia.

To be honest, I feel like I bombed it.. as in bad. I was overthinking everything and the whole time I was thinking I did not deserve to be there. I was trying to engage in conversations but all I was thinking was that I was the ONLY black female in the entire interview group. What must people be thinking of me and how I got to this point. I was really beating myself up the whole weekend I felt like crying. Maybe the school just wasn’t meant for me but it is disheartening that I doubted myself so much when reflecting back I did have a chance. It just did not feel that way in the moment.

Self doubt for me started when I was about 13. As a freshman in high school I was looking at all the seniors who were top of their class and thought, I could do that, and I could do it better. I could be perfect. But then when I got to talking to them and they knew all these things about universities and they came from a family where everyone went to college… I doubted if I could ever get to that point. I feel like that is a normal part of life everyone goes through, but I feel like for black females, this cycle of self doubt gets perpetuated. Its poisonous roots extend so deep as we are continuously told we are never good enough.

However, we are so much more intelligent and diverse than anyone gives us credit for. I think this is one of the biggest obstacles to tackle so that we can truly shine. Basically, fuck all of those people who try and put us in a box.

I don’t know what is to come of my future and I think self doubt will always be there. But I am determined to give it the middle finger and go for it this year. Believe in myself, not what others tell me. Because I am capable of anything.