Fighting through depression and anxiety before PhD program

I have to admit, I have definitely been battling with depression during this time. Between having to quit my job, start a PhD program in the fall, and stress with what is going on in the world AND balancing a relationship with my girlfriend… all of it is weighing on me.

Though I am fortunate enough to work at home, I am constantly triggered when working as my current boss exhibits some behaviors as a previous, abusive one. I want to leave my job as soon as possible, but I am just waiting out the days to try and save some money before my move to NYC.

Also, NYC has been one of the worst cities hit by the pandemic and it isn’t possible for me to visit and explore and get acquainted with me new home. I also worry about not being mentally prepared for my PhD program after this quarantine. My brain does not feel ready to embark on a whole journey and I constantly worry about if I am “going to make it.”

I am also worried about how my relationship will take form during all of these transitions. A lot of worries on my mind… but after crying on the phone with my therapist on Tuesday, I am beginning to feel more settled as I adopt new tools to help me.

I’ve been role playing in my head certain scenarios I have been feeling anxiety over, and soon I think I will be able to role play with other people I trust, like my girlfriend. This helps me plan for a moment or a conversation and decreases my anxiety over the situation as a whole since I know how I am going to handle it.

I have been trying to maintain constant sleep and wake times as it helps with my overall mood if I have something constant in my life.

I have been writing my feelings down, and spending more time talking about them instead of constantly distracting myself from them.

In these times, the world is constantly changing so we must as well. As much as my body hates changes, I have been trying to use these tools to the best of my ability to manage all of this extra time I have with my own thoughts.

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