I’m done feeling so unsure of myself.
I have gone so long taking in what others have told me.
But I never really listened to myself.
I want to take in my own power and hold to them.
Listening to what I say and feel and not others.
I am still very flawed and I love that.
I want to embrace all of them.
Never forget the power of the written word.
The thing is, you have to help yourself before you help others.
But what if you don’t know how to help yourself.
What if no one knows how to help themselves.
And we are all frantically running about in the wind.
Just being carried from one place to the next.
As I am beginning another painting project, I am now starting to enjoy all of the little things.
I am slowing down my process and finding peace even within setting up for painting.
The feel of the hairs on the brush as I clean them.
The smell of pouring fresh paint.
The sounds of my easel as I set it up.
I draw, and create, and let my feels flow onto the paper.
On this chilly day in May.
Everyday I worry.
My worry started small like anybody else.
I worried about my health after a lump in my breast was found.
I had surgery, and it was taken out.
But the worry was still there.
I worried about my health constantly.
Then, I worried about what others thought of me.
Then, I worried about my body image.
The worry grew like a snowball down a hill, and I thought I couldn’t stop it.
It was as if I was at the bottom of the hill, and was facing away from the growing ball.
And everyday I was hit by it, and every morning another one started back up again.
I lived in constant fear of it, it was always on my mind.
Everyday it seemed to grow, the more and more as I fed it with my thoughts.
One cold morning, it started back up again, on top of the hill..
But, I was able to turn around and see it.
I was able to jump out the way.
The snowball still began at the beginning of the day, but it wasn’t hitting me.
Soon, the snowball became a distant memory after hoping out of its way.
I stopped thinking about that snowball that used to knock me to the ground.
It didn’t knock the breath away from me and I am able to continue living.
I had courage but no humility.
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The Chatty Cat 