So a while ago I talked about taking a break due to burnout at my previous job and then I talked about quitting that job. Well now, I’ve been in a new work environment but I am still dealing with triggers from my old work environment.

For a while, I was crying every day at my new job feeling judged by others or that they were all going to turn against me. Even when my new boss was giving me praise, I was bracing for the yelling and abuse that would follow. I still deal with these emotions from time to time now. But the bottom line is that I was still feeling all of these strong emotions without the stimulus actually being present.

My therapist brought up the point that I was probably dealing with PTSD after being in a period of stress for so long. We talked about how PTSD can occur from any traumatic event, and is not always from things such as coming back from war. We associate PTSD with veterans frequently but she reminded me that it is okay to acknowledge that I was also going through PTSD symptoms myself.

It took me a while to accept that I needed to acknowledge the trauma I went through and sit with those uncomfortable feelings. I wanted to leave that place and all the emotions behind with it, but I learned quite quickly that wasn’t going to be the case.

I am now learning to deal with my PTSD with different therapy exercises I have been doing. I have been doing better at managing my emotions at my new workplace and I hope to take these skills to my next career move in my PhD program.

Though this experience was one of the toughest emotional endeavors I’ve dealt with, it made me realize all the emotional baggage other employees bring to a different workplace and to be conscious of that. I never realized how much a previous work experience can impact you when it is so negative and how it sneakily embeds itself into your self confidence and self worth overall. I feel I have become a more empathetic person and more understanding throughout this process.

Though I wouldn’t wish my experience on anyone else, I do see the silver lining within it.